So much to learn…

th2VL1D4S2

I have taken a very long hiatus from my blog.  I had so much work to do on myself that I feel I didn’t have anything to put out into the world.  A LOT has changed since I last have really posted–2.5 years ago!!

Starting from September of 2012–I sold my house, lived with one friend for a year, then another friend for another year, finally found a job close to where I wanted to live, officially moved to a rural setting, started another job closer to where I now lived, and living all of a life that goes in between all of those changes.

When I last wrote anything (December of 2013), I was off of work due to a leg injury and had not officially moved to the rural town I now live in.  I was working in the city during the week and driving back every weekend to the town I had moved 90% of my belongings to.

In November of 2014, I quit my job in the city, officially moved and started my “new” life.

It still has not been easy, I’ve had a few minor physical issues that have set me back here and there (that I have already dealt with or am in the process of dealing with).  Just because you change location and jobs, etc., you still take “you” with you.  And, therefore, am still working through some depression and anxiety issues (that have been a lifelong issue really) that are improving as I learn more and more about self-care, self-love, self-respect, just “self”.  I am also in the midst of DIY projects that are going to take probably up to 10 years (depending on time and finances), and my many, many, many other craft/artistic projects that I always have on the go.

Lately, I find myself with actually having feelings of happiness…this is the first in a very, very long time.  Especially after my last (having had 2 previous ones earlier in life) “break down”–although it was my “break down” that led me to start looking at where my life needed to change.  The first major change that I knew I NEEDED to do was to be surrounded more closely by nature and to not see so much concrete, to not smell so many city smells (cigarette smoke, exhaust fumes, etc.), and to be near water–I consider myself a water-baby, I could sit and stare at a body of water for hours and feel so at ease.

Spring has finally reached us here (fingers-crossed) in the prairies of Canada, although we have had teases of beautiful weather since the end of February.  The “official start to summer” here in Canada, certainly Manitoba, is the May long weekend which is upon us in the next couple of days.

I’ve had a chance to spend time outside in the yard, working on my new raised garden, planning what plants and vegetables I’m going to put in the new garden as well as a couple of other gardens I have in the back yard.  Even getting a chance to go out and just rake the winter off of the grass was wonderful.

I’ve also taken some time to do some work down at my cabin recently.  The cabin was left empty for many, many years and is definately showing some wear and tear and there is much evidence of mice in the cabin so I have quite a bit of work to do on it, but am so looking forward to the time spent in nature–it’s in a very rural place, on a lake, and is a very rustic building.  It’s small but cozy and I know I can make it into a sanctuary for me to spend my weekends at during the warmer seasons.

Also, in the past couple of years, I have done a lot of soul/self work (that continues, I think, for a lifetime).  Specifically for me, it is that learning to love myself as I am–a “fat” woman in a society which is definitely anti-fat and very discriminated against people of size.  So, I am slowly learning to love my body as it is–yes, I still wish it was smaller, but more importantly, I want it to be HEALTHY.  And I know I can work on that, no matter what size I am.

I certainly have more to learn, but I hope to start sharing some of what I am still learning along this journey of mine…thanks for joining me on this journey.

th

Kickin’ It Old Skool – Weepy Wednesday

Day 11 at Kickin’ It Old Skool is to share what makes up cry, what makes us bring the tissues out big time.

I am naturally a very sensitive person, but growing up the youngest of three children with two older brother’s who laughed at me whenever I cried or showed my sensitivities has made it hard for me to show my tears if I can help it at all.

However, there are certain things that ALWAYS make me cry no matter how hard I try:

1. When someone else is crying, I’m done, bring me the box of kleenex and my make-up is ruined.

2. Reunions – Probably because others are crying (see above) but I think because the emotions are so high when a long-lost brother is reunited with his sister he hasn’t seen since they were 10 and 12 years old.  And I LOVE reunions!

3.  Onions – for sure, I cannot chop one without tearing up, rubbing my eyes and getting mad because it hurts.  I keep onions in the fridge for this very reason–it seems to take the tearing effect away.  At Christmas however, when we make the turkey, my mother does not allow me to cool the onion–I finally gave up chopping the dressing onion…my mother does it now.

4. When I am really mad at someone and I’m trying to talk to them about  it–I get so frustrated because I’m trying to get my feelings across but crying so hard that it can make it almost impossible.  See comment about older brother’s…this can still happen when trying to talk to them too.

5. Weddings and other super happy moments.  I do try to hide it though.

6. Funerals of course…  😦

physical pain, emotional pain, sometimes during movies ( a couple of Sandra Bullock’s have really gotten me), births…

I know that I really am an old softie, and my closest friends know it too, and probably have seen tears in my eyes.  Only a few people (outside of family) have seen an all-out cry though.

What brings tears to your eyes??

Kickin’ It Old Skool – Day 9 – Favorite Movies

Today at KIOS we are sharing our favorite movies.

This is a great idea!  I get to see what movies others have seen and see if there are any similarities to my favorite movies.

Here’s a list of my favorite movies… not in particular order:

1. Forest Gump – There was just something about this movie that I just loved.  It was a feel good movie in that Forest has some wonderful things happen in  his life.  I also loved how they wove Forest’s stories in history that was happening in the era the movie was representing.  It was also a very bittersweet movie as the ending wasn’t quite as happy as it could be.

2. It’s a Wonderful Life – I’ve watched this movie just about every year since I was a teenager.  I think so many of us would like to see how our choices affect our life–to be able to see the difference is unreal.  The ending of this movie hits me in my heart every time.  “To my brother George Bailey, the richest man in Bedford Falls!”.  Rich because he realizes just how many lives he has touched in a great way.  And I love it when the bell rings and Suzu says that an angel has gotten its wings.

3.  Die Hard – The first one.  I still remember how, when I watched this movie when it first came out, I was jumping all over the couch, sitting on it’s back…I couldn’t sit still just waiting to see what would happen next.  I found it so exciting!

4. Terminator – Also, so excited and nervous watching this movie, not knowing what was going to happen next.  The idea of the future coming back to the present time.  And then when the movie was over trying to wrap my brain around the idea of how John sent his father back through time to create him (John).  I couldn’t figure out when the “first” time was…wouldn’t it happen over and over???  Plus, I thought, great acting and action.

5. Ocean’s Eleven – Well…could be Brad Pitt, could be George Clooney–or both!  It was also the bad guys getting it in the end.  🙂

6. Harry Potter – all of them!  The acting was supreme and the way the movie so correlated to the books (which I have read time and time again) just put me into the feeling of the books–really brought the characters to life.

7.  Auntie Mame – It was a favorite when I first saw it as a teenager–my mom and I used to watch old movies together, movies from her era and I loved every minute of it.  I recently saw this one again and still found it enjoyable.

8.  Pretty Woman – I’m not usually a great fan of the “old romantic” movies, but this one really touched me.  I really love it when the good guys win!

9. New Iron Man series – I really love Robert Downey Jr. and his acting, but this story line was cool and I really enjoyed it.

10. New Sherlock series – Also because of Robert Downey Jr. and Jude Law, but the cinematography was outstanding as well!

I probably forgot one or two but I think this is still a pretty comprehensive list of my favorites.

What are your favorite movies?

Kickin’ It Old Skool – Show and Tell

For Day 10 at Kickin’ It Old Skool we are doing an old school Show and Tell.

Today, I’ve brought pictures of two of my collection of Buddha’s.

Bronze BuddhaRed Buddha

I started my collection because of my paternal grandmother.  My gramma had a small collection of laughing Buddha’s, she loved the happy face and loved to rub his big belly.  The Buddha on the left is actually one of her collection.  I have a set of three Buddhas that were also hers, and several others I have collected because of some special feature that drew me to it–not any Buddha will do!

There was one other Buddha that my gramma had that she touched every day.  When she passed it went to my aunt (her daughter) who kept it in storage, when my aunt died, my cousin’s husband (my aunt’s son-in-law) decided that he wanted it for some reason although my cousin didn’t like it–thought it was ugly.  I found out several years later that my cousin and her husband gave away the Buddha to a neighbor because it was a sacrilegious symbol against Jesus Christ.  my cousin is a capital “C” Christian and her religion and faith is very important to her.  I understand that her faith, even if mine is different, but for many  years I was very angry about the fact that what I consider a family heirloom was just given away without checking with anyone else.

I have recently learned to let go of this, but only after I tried to find the Buddha and realizing that it has gone from our family and I HAVE to let it go.  I am a sentimental person, and my cousin is not so I have to forgive her and accept her for who she is.  I wish that people accept me the way I am and not hold grudges against me, so I have to let it go.

Plus, it’s what my gramma would have wanted, she would not have wanted something of hers to cause any rift in her family.  We were all very important to her.  I wasn’t cross with my cousin, it was just a low-simmering anger I had.  We did have a very small conversation about it once, when she told me by e-mail that she had given away–with tactfully differing opinions.

So, now I still collect Buddha’s in my gramma’s name and it helps me to remember such a wonderful lady who was very creative, funny (hilarious actually), and loved very big!  I feel like I am like her in a lot of ways…and hope she would be proud of me.

c.

Kickin’ It Old Skool – Share where you blog

For today, at Kickin’ It Old Skool, we’ve been asked to share the space where we blog.

This is a tough one for me as I am currently  blogging in various spaces because of being in middle of changes.  I basically blog wherever my ipad or laptop take me.  Right now, I am blogging in a spare bedroom, at my mom’s, where I have turned it into a small sitting room, office, and TV room.  It’s pretty full and not very clean right now (because of still unpacking boxes) and with the ancient sailboat wallpaper…I don’t feel comfortable to show you a picture.  But here’s my trusty old laptop, which is older (more than 5 years) but I still love it!

One of the things that I’m learning from this blog-a-thon is creating a better space (both physically and emotionally) for blogging.  I have some great resources that are sitting in a box on my dusty desk (cleaning today), and I think I really need to take down the sailboat wallpaper–next week–and paint this room to cheer it up and help me feel more inspired.

Where do you blog?

laptop

Kickin’ It Old Skool – One Sentance Blog

Although I’m a day late, the Day 7 KIOS prompt was a one sentance blog.

So for Saturday, December 7, 2013.

Today was slept late, sunshiny, frustration, elation, abundance, Hawaiin pizza (yum), cold, tired, frustration, sleep…

c.

Kickin’ It Old Skool – Share Your First Blog

Today at Kickin’ It Old Skool we are sharing our first blog and post.

Hmmm….where is that password again…it’s been a couple of years since I used that blog at blogger.com…

Oh ya…Okay, heeeerrrreeee’ssss Ceanne’s Best Life blog and the first post…

Friday, May 22, 2009

What this blog is all about

So, I’m on this journey of growing into my best life, or creating my best life. This includes my physical health, my spiritual practice, as well as my random thoughts as I take this wonderful trip of life.
I’m starting this web journal to help myself be accountable and to share if anyone is interested. If there is anyone “out there” who “gets” anything from what I write, I hope they share their thoughts and comments with me.
A little about myself…I’m 44, a female, who started a process of getting to know myself after a breakup of a tumultuous relationship–the catalyst. I realized that I had chosen that relationship and stayed with it for so long because I had no sense of confidence in who I was. I had stayed when I knew it wasn’t good, I moved across the country when I knew it was NOT the right thing to do–left my family and everything I knew to be with someone who didn’t know how to treat me well.
I changed a lot in the course of that relationship, and when I finally reached the point that I KNEW I had to leave–for myself–I didn’t know who Ceanne was any longer. The party girl was gone, what remained was a scared, lonely person. I knew i couldn’t go back, but where to go??
That was, believe it or not, 13 years ago. Since then I’ve created a partial life, not quite what I envisioned when I was growing up–but then I’m STILL growing up.
I didn’t think I’d start by writing about my past as I don’t really spend too much time looking backwards any longer, but I read that you need to know where you are to know where you’re going, so…
My priorities…
 A week ago, a Practitioner at my church had me do some homework as I had asked for a Spiritual Mind Treatment for “easy sleep that rejuvenates me” and “motivation to move my body more”.
A recurring theme in my life is not living my priorities so she asked me to list my top 10 priorities and then track, for a week, where I spend my time”. I have my list of priorities, they are: (in no particular order)
  1. My house – Keeping it clean, organized, keeping things in good working order, get rid of “tolerations” (definition below), garden, etc.
  2. My “Babies” – My pets. I have a dog and 2 cats that need love, food, attention. And the dog needs to be walked regularly.
  3. Crafts/Creativity – I love creating things through crochet, knitting, coloring, beading, etc., etc. Just LOVE making things with my own two hands.
  4. Work – Being organized, enjoying what I do, getting good sleep so can be most effective and clear thinking, being on time.
  5. Reading – I LOVE to read. My spiritual practice, fiction, personal growth/health, etc.
  6. Friends and Family – Talking with them (spending time with them), Facebook, church, etc.
  7. Spiritual Practice – Prayer, church, reading, classes, etc.
  8. My health – Physical movement, nutrition, sleep, reading/learning, etc.
  9. My volunteer work – Leadership committee, church, library, work activities/committee involvement.
  10. Love – Finding love with a man. The following phrase is something I heard a woman describe her relationship with her husband as–and I loved it, so am copying it. “Holy, juicy, monogamous, loving” and I add friendly. I want someone to look at me with passion and love again–it’s been a long time and I miss it.

* Tolerations are those things you often let slide but every time you see/hear them you say “I should do something with that.” eg. a leaking tap, ugly carpeting that will be expensive to change, strange noise coming from your fridge, etc.

I’m going to end now because I’ve already wrote more than I originally thought I would and I’m using my Eee which has an amazingly small keyboard that I’m “tolerating” typing on.

TTFN Ceanne April 17, 2009

 Hmmm…not much has changed, but here’s what has:

  1. I’m older 🙂
  2. I no longer belong to the spiritual community I did then as there was what I considered to be a lack of moral leadership.
  3. I no longer type on an Eee (I forgot I even had that thing–a very mini laptop)
  4. I had to curtail my volunteering a couple of years ago when I had an emotional setback.  I am looking for a place that I can be of service and will “fill my cup” as well, but with moving recently and leg injury it’s been put off.
  5. I used to be involved in a lot more things on my blog.  Part of it was the changeover to WordPress, which I am very happy with except that I do have troubles with buttons on it and then also I didn’t want it to be a “busy” as my blogger blog.
  6. For some reason, I thought I had started a blog earlier than 2009…but can’t find it.

What did your first blog look like?

c.

Kickin’ in old school – 10 Things About Me

Today’s KIOS prompt is to tell others 10 things about ourselves.

Here are 10 random things about me:

1.  I have moved approximately 20 times in my life.  I don’t think I’m finished yet either.  🙂

2.  My first kiss was with a guy named Chipper.  I don’t remember if it was a nickname or his actual name.  He was very handsome.

3.  I’ve seen It’s A Wonderful Life well over 30 times in my life…I try to watch it at least once every Christmas season.  I can still cry at the very end.

4.  I absolutely LOVE Pinterest (you can find me under Ceanne Bateman) and I have almost 200 boards AND  over 12,000 pins.  You “could” say I’m addicted.  🙂

5.  My favorite food of all time is pizza – usually Hawaiian, but I’m not overly picky if there’s pizza involved.

6.  I’ve never been married, but have lived common-law with three men.  I have now been single for a very long time–on purpose–one day, perhaps I’ll meet someone very special.

7.  I taught myself to crochet when I was about 27 and never looked back.  I also love to knit–my grandmother and mother taught me when I was a child but I still keep learning new techniques.

8.  My children all have paws.  🙂  I have a dog (see side bar) and two cats.  They make any place I’ve lived in a home.

9.  I love peace and hate conflict, but I have I am so drawn to activism for discrimination…It’s something I struggle with, wanting to help but don’t want to get drawn in to the conflicts…still trying to find a way around that.

10.  My favorite color is turquoise.

What are 10 random things about you??

c.

Kickin’ It Old Skool – Weather Wednesday

At KIOS (#kickinit) today we are learning what the weather is like where our fellow Blog-a-thonners live.

Where I am it’s snowy, and CCC-O-L-D.  It’s been snowing the last couple of days, an inch or more each time.  Not much accumulation yet but it’s definitely here to stay until end of March/beginning of April.  It is also very cold for this time of year, -18ish and that’s what’s in the forecast for the next week too.

Here’s some pics I took this morning…went outside in the cold just for you all.  🙂

SnowAbove is a picture of my house in amongst the trees.

Snow 1Above is a picture taken towards the lake in town, just beyond the bridge (left hand of picture), although there is also a small basin just to my left on the other side of this road.

Snow 2And above is a picture of main street, small town, southwest Manitoba, Canada.

How’s the weather where YOU are???

c.

Kickin’ It Old Skool – Color Meme

Today’s KIOS (Kickin’ It Old Skool) prompt is sharing color memes.  Here are mine:

[ RED ]

  1. What’s the first thing you think of when you think of red?  Rubies
  2. Closest red thing to you? Christmas decorations
  3. What is the last thing that made you angry?  Discrimination of any kind makes my blood boil and makes me want to be an activist.
  4. Are you a fan of romance?  Not unless there’s a back story
  5. Do you have a temper?  I can have, but it doesn’t last long and I’m not one to lash out…I take time to consider and understand.

[ GREEN ]

  1. What’s the first thing you think of when you think of green? Leaves and it’s my favorite color
  2. Closest green thing to you? The cover of a sketch book I’m going to start soon.
  3. What’s your favourite green environment? Going for a walk in the woods around here.
  4. Are you jealous of anyone right now?  I try not to be jealous
  5. Are you a lucky person? I wish I was, sigh…

[ PURPLE ]

  1. What’s the first thing you think of when you think of purple? Oh! no! a Purple dinosaur! 
  2. Closest purple thing to you? A pen…I love to write with different colored ink.
  3. Do you like being treated like royalty? A bit but I think it would be hard to be the focus too…I
  4. Do you like mysterious things? I love to read mysteries, but I don’t like mysterious people–I like to know and trust people.
  5. Are you intuitive? Yes, I believe I am very intuitive…I wished I paid more attention to my intuition for myself.

[ BLUE ]

  1. What’s the first thing you think of when you think of blue?  The sky, the brilliant blue ocean.
  2. Closest blue thing to you?  Unfortunately some really ugly sailboat wallpaper that I need to take down soon–at my mom’s…
  3. Are you good at calming people down?  As long as I’m not freaked out too.  But I think I am…one of my friends calls me the Senator because I am the”sober, second thought” (which apparently is why the Senate was created–because our PM at the time would get drunk and make decisions with his cabinet)…I help her see the other side of things when she is upset.
  4. What’s your favourite body of water (i.e. lake, ocean, etc)?  Whichever one I’m closest too.  I love being near water and could not imagine not being close to it.  I’ve been lucky enough to live on the Atlantic Ocean for a while and where I live now, I’m two houses down from the lake in town.
  5. What was the last thing that made you cry?  Oh, the accident that caused my leg injury.  I fell through broken boards on a deck and got my lower leg crushed between two boards.  The pain made me cry, but it was the paramedics having to carry me and having to ride in an ambulance–the first time ever–and I hate having other people do for me…
  6. Are you a logical thinker?  I can certainly be a very logical thinker but I am also very much led by my heart…it depends on the situation…I wish I could use both at the same time.

[ YELLOW ]

  1. What’s the first thing you think of when you think of yellow? The sun, flowers.
  2. Closest yellow thing to you?  The front cover of a calendar – 2014 Driving Manitoba–beautiful roads in Manitoba.
  3. What was one of the happiest times of your life?  Christmas as a child, surrounded by friends and family.  And presents…yes presents!
  4. What’s your favourite holiday? Christmas for sure, always has been.  Good cheer, family, bright colors…
  5. What makes you happy? Spending time talking with friends and family.

[ PINK ]

  1. What’s the first thing you think of when you think of pink? Pepto Bismal…don’t know why???
  2. Closest pink thing to you?  The pj’s I’m wearing right now…they’re dark pink but still pink.
  3. What sweet things do you like?  ummm…well, my favorite is peanut butter and chocolate mixed together but a really great dark chocolate truffle is wonderful too!
  4. Are you sensitive? Yes, very much so!  Too much stimulation (visual, auditory, etc.) can really take it out of me.
  5. What is your favourite flower? Ice pink peonies have been my favorite flower for as long as I can remember.
  6. Does you have a crush on someone? I “does” have a crush, for a long, long time–but just because he’s the type of man I’d love to have a relationship with perfect in every way (LOL!)

[ ORANGE ]

  1. What’s the first thing you think of when you think of orange? Oranges, mmmmmmm
  2. Closest orange thing to you? My daytimer–a bright orange.  And my laptop is a rusty orange.
  3. Do you dress up for Halloween? Sometimes, depends on my mood.  I’m not huge into Halloween.
  4. What gives you the warm fuzzies? OMG, cute, cuddly kittens or puppies…swoon…
  5. What would your superpower be? A superfast house cleaner.  It has to be done but it takes time from other things I’d rather be doing.

[ BROWN ]

  1. What’s the first thing you think of when you think of brown?  Trees
  2. Closest brown thing to you?  The wood doors and floors  in the room.
  3. What is your favourite type of chocolate?  Dark chocolate
  4. What makes you feel grounded?  Being in nature is the best feeling
  5. Paint the wood or always leave it au naturel?  Mostly it would be natural wood, but I love the look of some painted furniture.

[ WHITE ]

  1. What’s the first thing you think of when you think of white? Clouds
  2. Closest white thing to you? All the snow on the ground outside??
  3. Do you always try to keep the peace?  Not any longer.  I can accept that people aren’t always going to like what I have to say or believe the same things as me…and that’s really very okay.
  4. Do you like to play in the snow?  Yes, making snow angels is a great feeling…and throwing snowballs for my dog to catch!  oh!  And sledding and snowmobile riding/driving.
  5. Are you afraid of going to the doctors or dentist?  Not the doctor, but I still don’t like the dentist much…

[ BLACK ]

  1. What’s the first thing you think of when you think of black?  Night
  2. Closest black thing to you? The remote for my tv.
  3. Are you sophisticated or silly?  Somewhere in-between, sometimes one or the other.
  4. Do you have a lot of secrets?  No, I’m pretty much “what you see is what you get”.
  5. What’s the new black? I love brown still, but I think anything goes