Love the lyrics…wish I could remember the name of the song.
Life continues to be busy for me–I realize, of course, that I make it so. I am setting up positive boundaries for myself and am trying to reduce–my girth and the amount of unnecessary possessions in my house. I think there’s a book about that–“Does this clutter make my butt look big?” It’s not that I have a lot of clutter, but I realize that when I purchased this house almost 9 years ago I really had very little in it. I had just moved out of my brother’s house where I rented a bedroom, and had previously just split up from my ex where I had left most of my worldly possessions with him.
I have tried to fill my house with “stuff” and things to make me busy and projects, and, and, and… I’ve come to slowly realize that there are things in my house that I do not need–or really want for that matter–so I’m slowly going through the areas/rooms of my home and reducing. This is actually a continuation that I have done before, but now it’s just making more sense. I live in a 3 bedroom house with 2 floors and a basement, but it seems small. It’s not really big either, but for 1 person and and a couple of small animals??? It really is about the right size–as long as I continue to reduce the amount of “stuff” I have in it.
I have created a “cave”, a place to go hide from the world. Again, this is not a new realization–it’s just becoming more and more clear to me what I’ve done. Now, I’m not talking about giving up my house/home, I’m just talking about making it more “me”.
I guess for a long time I really didn’t feel I knew who “me” is. And that’s its own journey that feels more clear too–even though I think I’ve got miles and miles to go for that clarity.
Another thing that’s been happening is that I have this feeling of my “old” life and my current life converging/colliding. I’m seeing it happen through Facebook. I am seeing that people from my current life/Spiritual home are “friends” with others from a life I led a lifetime ago–a time that feels a world away from who I am now. I’m finding I’m having some feelings that I’m really not too sure what to do with. I’m the not the person I was and I wasn’t the person I am–I often feel like I have lived two different lives. And never the two shall meet, or will they? Or should they? Maybe they should?
There are some things from the person I was “then” that I miss–spontaneity, fun-loving, passionate, loving, forgiving, seemingly fearless, the size of my butt (it was big then too–at least I thought so then–but I just didn’t appreciate how I looked–silly girl), hopeful, dreamy, . And there are things that, until very recently, I wished away. I have carried guilt, shame, and anger from that time in my life to now. And now, there is so much about myself that I love–intelligence, logic, openness, love, acceptance, connection to Spirit, but the size of my butt has really gotten out of hand!
Maybe…and this is just a new thought to me–which may be totally obvious to others but…Maybe…the “best” me is those two “worlds” combined. Maybe that’s part of creating my best life???