Jamie Ridler’s Wishcast prompt this week is: Where do you wish to make a fresh start?
Thinking, thinking…where is it I always wish I could have a “do over”? Is my life too broad of an answer???
So many times, I wish I could have a “do over”, but only knowing what I know now. I’m not sure that I wouldn’t do the same things, make the same choices/”mistakes”, if I hadn’t learned so much along the way.
So…I guess, when it really comes down to it–and it does pain me to say this–I would not start over…
I’m actually very surprised to see that in writing. I can’t count the amount of time I have spent, wishing, “if only”:
- if only I knew how beautiful I was, I would not have wasted it thinking I was ugly and “settling” for whatever emotionally detached guy pursued me.
- if only I knew how smart I was, I would have continued on in University and received a degree.
- if only I knew that my family, although they loved me, did not really know me, I wouldn’t have wasted so much time trying to meet their idea of who I was. And I would not have accepted/believed the labels provided for me: too sensitive, emotional, mentally ill, flaky, naive…
- if only I knew that it was okay to be sensitive, emotional, flaky, I would have accepted myself so much sooner and not wasted time trying not to be.
- if only I knew that I was creative/artistic as a young adult, I might have pursued a completely different path.
- if only I hadn’t gained so much weight, I would have the energy to be pursing the life I want to live quicker.
- if only I was better with my finances, I would be able to afford–whatever…
But…the most important thing is that I know all of that now! I still have challenges accepting the above, and am still “improving”. I still look in the mirror and say things that are not always nice about what I see there. I still struggle when someone in my family rolls their eyes about something I say–I’ve had to learn to detach myself a bit, unfortunately, from my family. I am becoming more and more creative every day and continue to learn more and more about myself
But, what I continue to learn is that we are each on our own path to self-discovery and that this is my path–and it’s all okay!! Okay, I do struggle with that, even though I know it…
Now, as for creative projects, I do start over on those–but that’s the great thing, it’s okay to do that too–or even, dare I say it, chuck them!! It all works out okay!
And, just because I collect quotes and this one is my current “mantra”, thought I’d share. It seems appropriate…
For all that has been, “thanks”.
For all that will be, “yes”.
– Dag Hammarskjold