Monthly Archives: November 2010

Weekly Intention – Rejuvenating Sleep

Thanks as always to Andrea

This week, my intention is still to rest, have restorative/rejuvenating sleep.  I have my CPAP machine but am having some time adjusting to it–sores on my face, unfortunately. 

I’ve had one great sleep with the machine and woke up with more energy than I’ve had in months and months.  Cleaned the house, fixed things that needed fixing, enjoyed the energy, etc. etc. I haven’t had good sleeps since then due to the sores, but am getting fixed with a new mask today till my nose gets used to the other one.   Having this energy, even if only for one day, lets me know how great it is to have restful sleep and that very soon my sleep will always be as restful as my body and mind needs.

Here’s to restorative sleep!!

C.

Wishcast Wednesday – What do you with to invite in?

Come on in!  Jamie Ridler’s Wishcast prompt this week is…

What do you wish to invite in?
This week, it’s an easy question for me to answer because I found out last week that I do have sleep apnea and have an answer to my exhaustion–something other than the self-deprecating things I have thought it was.  Yesterday I picked up my CPAP machine which will, hopefully, help me get the rest my body is in need of.
So, I wish to invite in…deep, restful, restorative sleep.  To be followed shortly by renewed energy, passion for life (again), and more leaps into life.
Yes, I truly believe that getting good rest will be life-changing for me.  Over the last several years, I have slowly began to turtle, to the point that I barely leave my house except to work.  But almost all I am able to do is work–because that is where I have directed my energy to, out of necessity.
I wish to blossom again!
Imagination is more powerful than knowledge.  – Albert Einstein
Knowledge allows you to see things as they are.  Imagination allows you to see things as they could be. 
– Unknown
We cannot become what we need to be by remaining what we are.  – Max DePree
As you all wish for yourself, I also wish for you!!!
C.

Weekly Intention – Leap

Thanks again to Andrea for the reminder how important it is to set an intention…

So, this week, I think I need to take a leap into unknown territory. 
When I came home from work on Friday, my TV, phone, and Internet had been cut off due to a miscommunication with my service provider.  I was mad about the miscommunication as I couldn’t do anything to fix it until Monday but after I had some time to think about it, I realized that about a week ago I had mentioned, “I think I need to have my TV turned off.”  Divine intervention???  I think so…
I find I just spend too much time in front of the TV wasting a big chunk of my life.  I’m addicted to it…I know it.  Even this weekend, I had to have “something” on the TV–I rented a couple of movies from the Library or had a relaxation DVD on.  Not all the time, mind you.  Just periods, when I sat down to rest–because I also found I was more productive, finding odd jobs to do around the house. I call this meandering around the house, tidying, cleaning, and organizing “puttering” because I’m not in my usual “cleaning frenzy”, it’s actually very peaceful and then a sense of accomplishment when I’m done a particular task.
Today, I talked with my service provider, figured out what the miscommunication was and had the services put back on again.  But…I don’t think I should have.  Actually, it’s only the Internet I think that I “need” right now.  The TV I’m addicted to and the phone is useful, but not necessary as I have a cel phone.
The next bill is coming out tomorrow and, according to the service provider is another huge amount.  And, since I also want to save money, I think I’m going to take a leap and get my TV and possibly my land line turned off.
I’m scared, so that’s my leap, learning to spend time alone without too many visual and mental distractions.  Maybe this, seemingly HUGE leap will lead to other great things in my life.  I think it will…which is another reason I’m scared.
Thanks for listening.

Ahhh! To rest…

A few weeks ago, I had a sleep study as for the last several years I am “exhausted” all the time and it has slowly gotten worse so that I feel I just don’t get enough sleep–even when I do.

I had wondered over the years if I had sleep apnea but didn’t feel that I woke up through the night.  A few years ago, one of my best friends and I were on a trip and on the second day she told me she barely slept at all because of my snoring.
My mother stays with me one weekend a month so asked her if she noticed I snored and she said, yes, but not that bad…okay, so I thought…I don’t snore that bad.
Last year, this same friend and I went away again and again my poor friend didn’t get any sleep again.  Poor thing!  I felt really bad!  She said that it’s not loud but constant and she said I would make a loud snort every few minutes.
She stays over at my place for time to time, but won’t sleep in the spare bedroom which is right next to mine, she sleeps down on the main floor on the couch because she wants a good nights sleep!  Okay, I get it, I snore…I even recorded myself one night and yes I do snore and “snort”, but it’s not loud…
So, due to that and the fact of my exhaustion and a talking with another friend with sleep apnea, I thought I should get tested.  And…I do have sleep apnea. 
Well…this is actually a huge relief to know that there is “something” wrong and it can be worked with to improve my sleep.  I’ll be getting a CPAP machine in the next week or so.  I have actually missed a lot of work due to my exhaustion–I was always too embarrassed to tell anyone at work why I missed so much time…I blamed myself for being “lazy”, “fat”, etc, etc.  Now, I know that there’s a real reason, one that has nothing to do with myself talking to me in negative terms.
I have high hopes that the sleep apnea machine will help improve the quality of my life so that I can have more energy to do the things I want to do–like walking my dog, taking courses again, keeping my house in the order I like it to be, etc.  Overall, just feeling at least “okay” when I open my eyes in the morning.
Why are we so hard on ourselves???  Why am I so hard on myself???
For every step forward I make, I see there are still more steps to go so that I may love myself for who I am.  So that I may know that I am “worthy”.
A person cannot see his or her own image in running water
but sees it in water that is at rest.
– Chungliang al Huang and Jerry Lynch
– Mentoring, the TAO of Giving and Receiving Widsom
Each day silently affirm that you are the type of person with whom you would want to spend the rest of your life.
– Bob Moawad

Thanks for “listening”, as always!

C.

Wishcast Wednesday – What do you wish to celebrate?

Hooray!!

Jamie Ridler’s Wishcast prompt this week is…What do you wish to celebrate?
As soon as I saw that, my mind went to thoughts of “hooray!”, feeling great, and a huge smile on my face…that’s what I love about these prompts, the question takes you to that mental space and feeling of the question. 
I was at a workshop recently and the speaker talked about “positive inquiry” and how important those types of questions are to us each and every day.  When we ask questions that take us to a positive place, such as “What’s good?” our emotions follow along.  Jamie’s prompts take us there…brilliantly. 
So…what I want to celebrate are a few little things… 
After a week of feeling ill with one of the worst head and chest colds I’ve had in a looooooonnnnnnggg time, I’m feeling pretty spry.  I still sound like I’m ill, but my body knows better and has rebounded with lots of really good energy.
While I was ill I took some serious stock of my life and the direction it’s heading and I decided the direction was not in the interest of my best life.  Now, I talk the good talk, but the actions have not been following the talk.  So, I’m refocusing myself and setting some goals for myself that are pushing/pulling me more where I want to be.
I’ve had to do some begging and pleading with God/Spirit/the Universe, which I really hate to do–the begging and pleading part.  I feel I have a pretty good relationship with Spirit, but, again, I haven’t been living in Spirit lately.  I think I’ve been living a bit unconsciously (or a lot), but God and I are on a better foot now.
Mostly, I’m just celebrating having a renewed energy and drive to live my best life!!

Oh…and I want to celebrate along with Jamie for her new book – Wishcasting Journal: 52 Wishes to Awaken Your Dreams.  It must be such an amazing feeling for her!

I’m reading this book called “Soul-Full Eating” by Maureen Whitehouse and am thoroughly enjoying it.  Realizing that the food I choose, how I prepare it, and how I savor it are all part of the process of nourishing myself, not just the food itself or the act of eating. (another thing to celebrate!!)  In the book, I found these two quotes, I’m not sure if they match the “theme” today but I just love them!
Just Sit There
Just sit there right now.
Don’t do a thing.
Just rest.
For your separation from God
Is the hardest work in this world.
Let me bring you trays of food
And something you like to drink.
You can use my soft words
As a cushion
For your
Heart
– Hafiz, Persian Poet
Love is all there is.
You live that you may learn to love.
You love that you may learn to live.
There is no other lesson.
Hence, your Soul is always full,
Of Love.
– Unknown 

Thanks!
C.

Weekly Intention – Clarity

A big thanks to Andrea for this reminder of setting my intention every week!!

This week’s intention is for  C L A R I T Y.  So that I may see more clearly what I need to be doing on a daily basis to live my best life.  And for the clarity I need to see where I’m going.
I’ve been very sick this last week with a head and chest cold that has really knocked me on my keester.  Although, I am physically feeling a lot better the remnants of the cold are still here to remind me to be kind to myself and not push myself too hard or feel guilty for what is or has not been done around the house.
But, over the last several days, I’ve been “puttering”.  Doing things that are not necessarily on my “to do” list but are little things that have been bothering me.  For example, today I went into my “junk drawer” in the kitchen–I can’t even remember what I went in there for–and decided to weed through it.  I had accumulated a lot of “junk” that I didn’t even need.  How  many key rings does one person need?  Not the fancy attachments to the rings, just the rings themselves–they may be useful I guess.  NOT!!  I  probably threw away and/or moved half of the items in the drawer so I only have what I want to have stored in there.  I’m a fairly organized person so there were already small plastic baskets in the drawer so there’s some semblance of order and now they are all just much cleaner.  It really didn’t take long, but it sure felt great to have it done.
As I look around my home, there are a few other nooks and cranny’s that probably need the same treatment and I’ll get to those soon while I’m in this “puttering” phase.
Also, I feel like, in many ways, I’ve been living too unconsciously again.  Avoiding, addictive behaviour has been more normal for me lately than I’d like to believe or admit.  So, I’m admitting it here…
If I am more clear about my life and to live my “best life” I need to be making better, clear, choices that reflect the person I want to be and not the person inside of me who wants to keep me where I am…
I also found this journal software program that I really like.  It’s great to have this blog to “talk on” but there are often lots of personal, private things that I am working on and my writing is so messy when I’m trying to get so much out that it’s hard to read and I forget things.  The software allows me to still have a beautiful and creative place to write my private thoughts.  I think that journalling is also a great way to clear the path…
Thanks as always to anyone who “listens”!
C.

Wishcast Wednesday – How do you wish to grow older?

Hmmmm.  Jamie Ridler has done it again with a Wishcast prompt that has me imagining my beautiful self as I age with grace…

How do you wish to grow older?

Some days I feel a LOT older than I’d like.  Up until fairly recently, I still felt like I was in my 20’s, not the 45ish years I’ve spent on this earth.  Recently, I’ve felt all of those 45 years and they can feel painful and heavy, but they can also feel like great experience, accomplished, etc.

The picture I have in my mind of growing older, and so the answer to the question “How do you wish to grow older?”, is:

– in/with grace (love that word!!)
– in joy
– in anticipation
– in health
– in faith
– humbly
– living my best life!

The simple rose, at each moment of its slow blossoming is as open as it can be. The same is true of our lives. In each stage of our unfolding, we are as stretched as possible. For the human heart is quite slow to blossom, and is only seen as lacking when compared to the imagined lover or father or mother we’d like to become.

It helps to see ourselves as flowers. If a flower were to push itself open, which it can’t, it would tear. Yet we humans can and often do push ourselves too much. Often we tear in places no one can see. When we push ourselves to unfold faster or more deeply than is natural for us, we thwart ourselves. For nature takes time, and most of our problems stem from impatience. – Mark Nepo


Many knotted and crooked trees reach old age, naturally perfect, because they are useless to the house builder.- Chungliang al Huang and Jerry Lynch
– Mentoring, the TAO of Giving and Receiving Wisdom


Compared to the age of the Universe, you are new to Nature.  No one can really predict to what heights you might soar.  Even you will not know until you spread your wings.  – Gil Atkinson
Thanks!

Healing Cards – The Root Cause of All Disease…

A few weeks ago, I was inspired to purchase some Healing Cards which I wanted to write about each week.  For the last several months (at least), I have felt that I really need to heal a lot of things about myself.  To back up a bit…Over the last several years, I have done a lot of soul searching, internal work, peeling back the layers, of my thoughts, past hurts, emotions…a TON of work!  I feel that in so many ways I think the way I want to think and, for the most part, believe I have a pretty positive attitude.  But…physically, I seem to keep deteriorating–I know that it doesn’t make sense as the mind and body are so closely aligned, but I know that mentally and emotionally I am such a more mentally balanced person than I spent the early part of my life like.

So…over the last 15+ years I have gained a lot of weight and have a few health issues in relation to my obesity–sleep apnea, low motivation for physical activity, cravings for low nutritional foods, achy joints, and a few other things that I will keep private.  I know, logically,that in order to lose weight I need to eat less, exercise more, sleep well and that once I start changing some of my bad “habits” or negative beliefs about my obesity my health will improve.
And so back to the Healing Cards…I think that they might assist me in changing my mindset about my physical health.
Here’s today’s, which I’m sure you can see is very appropriate, and, since I draw the cards at random, let’s me know that Spirit is on my side.
The Healing Cards are by Carolyn Myss, she calls for drawing a new card each day, but I tend to need to sit and live with new things for a while–let the new ideas grow within me.
The root cause of all disease is a negative attitude about taking care of yourself.
How do you define “taking care of yourself”?  Create a new self-care practice today.  Observe your comfort level when it comes to being good to yourself.  Discomfort is a wise teacher.

Some of the additional notes that come with the card state that Ayurvedic tradition teaches that the main reason we get sick can be reduced to a lazy or perverse mental attitude, which leads us to ignore the basic principles of good health…Yet even though we know better, we sometimes act as if we’re not worthy of a truly healthful, supportive life, as if we don’t deserve to be taken care of…

And so I wonder, do I believe that I deserve a healthy life? 

I’ve been thinking about that question for the lat 25 minutes…On many levels, the answer is “yes” I do believe I deserve to be happy.  I do many things in order to try to maintain my health, I eat a lot of products that are very good for my health:  bran, Omega 3, soy milk, chicken, tea, don`t add salt while cooking or eating, etc., etc.  I wash my hands, keep my house clean and tidy, try to sleep as many hours as possible during the week and rest on the weekends, etc., etc.

But…all that being said, there must be some part of me who doesn`t think I deserve to be healthy, otherwise I would be more active–like I used to until my mid to late twenties.  I would eat a lot better than I did–again, like I did until my mid to late twenties.  So…I see a pattern there, something changed at my mid to late twenties and that was my abusive relationship, interesting that I took ownership of that relationship as mine?  Let me rephrase…that was when I was in an abusive relationship.  My eating and activity levels changed dramatically during that relationship.  I changed to suit him…the path of least resistance.  Why does that time keep haunting me?  I have done so much work on processing that timeframe in my life but it appears that it till continues to have control over my life.

I guess there`s still work to do….

Weekly Intention – Dance

Thank you Andrea for helping me set my mind in my best intentions for my life.

This week’s intention is **Dance**.

Thinking of dancing brings to mind joy, confidence, laughter, moving my body, feeling good.

These are all feelings I wish I felt more of, more often–I do feel them, and I’m pretty easy with the laughter, but the joy of life seems to be lacking some days as I go through living my “normal” life.

I wish to feel the uninhibited joy of dancing, laughing, floating along like a child with freedom of movement and the confidence that I can do anything.

Work like you don’t need the money,
love like you’ve never been hurt,
dance like no one is watching.  – Satchel Paige
I Hope You Dance – Martina McBride
I hope you never lose your sense of wonder,
You get your fill to eat but always keep that hunger,
May you never take one single breath for granted,
God forbid love ever leave you empty handed,
I hope you still feel small when you stand beside the ocean,
Whenever one door closed I hope one more opens,
Promise me that you’ll give faith a fighting chance,
And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance.
I hope you dance…I hope you dance.
I hope you never fear those mountains in the distance,
Never settle for the path of least resistance,
Livin’ might mean takin’ chances but they’re worth taking’,
Lovin’ might be a mistake but it’s worth makin’,
Don’t let some hell bent heart leave you bitter,
When you come close to sellin’ out reconsider,
Give the heavens above one more than just a passing glance,
And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance.
I hope you dance…I hope you dance.
I hope you dance…I hope you dance…
Thanks!!

Wishcast Wednesday – What do you wish to enjoy?

Another great positive inquiry prompt from Jamie Ridler

What do you wish to enjoy?
Such a great word, “enjoy”, I just had to do some research on it.  It’s synonyms are:  experience pleasure, relish, savor, undergo improvement…
I wish to “enjoy”…
– rich, restful, re-energizing sleep (I’m being tested for sleep apnea and my hope is this will happen really soon!)
– my continued path of improving my life so that I may “be” the person I am meant to be.
– the walks I take with my dog–right now with my weight being so high it is a bit of a struggle, but as I walk daily I get stronger and more capable of enjoying it (she loves the walks so much that it’s a shame not to be as happy as her).
– my family – sometimes our relationships can be strained but we are working toward getting to know each other and accepting each other as we are–and in the end, love each other regardless where we’re at.
– great health!
– a career with pay that more than supports my lifestyle and allows me the grace to give with ease to others who need it more than I.
– a romantic relationship with a man who is loving and loves me for who I am.
Not too big of a list, is it???  ;o)
 
When we are motivated by goals that have deep meaning, by dreams that need completion, by pure love that needs expressing, then we truly live life. 
– Greg Anderson
Happiness is like a kiss.  You must share it to enjoy it. 
– Bernard Melzer
All of you have loved someone, have done someone a kindness, have healed a wound, have taken on a challenge, have created something beautiful, and have enjoyed breathing the air of existence.  Every moment you make a difference. 
– Random Act of Kindness
 
Have a great day!!