Monthly Archives: April 2011

Wishcast Wednesday – What do you wish to tend?

Breathe. Let go. And remind yourself that this very moment
 is the only one you know you have for sure.
— Oprah Winfrey

This week, Jamie Ridler asks…

What do you wish to tend?

As so often it does, this week’s prompt touches me deeply in an area of my life I am in the process of working through.

As any of you who have been reading this blog know (thank you for all of your kind support and comments!), I have been going through a 12 step program for an eating disorder.  So far, things are really going well and I feel like I’m making improvements and feeling physically better each and every day.  However, I also have another compulsion that is emotionally draining to me.  I heard this week, “It’s about the food, until it’s not.”  And this is very true for me.  Since food has not been an issue for me the last few weeks other concerns are coming up.  I knew they would, but I thought they’d be around the food issues I have–but what’s coming up is my issues around my compulsive spending.

Okay, that was hard.  I have long considered myself an independent  who can take care of myself very well.  I was in complete denial–I have not been taking care of myself–I’ve been barely getting by both physically and with my spending issues.

I now find myself at my “bottom” and not able to take care of the bills properly for the next couple of months because I have gotten so far behind (it’s actually worse than that but I’m not ready to put it “all out there”–this was hard enough).  I know that this is a good thing (getting to my bottom) because I’m finally facing reality and seeking the help I need.  The reason I’m putting this on this blog is because “you’re only as sick as your secrets” and my not being able to take care of myself properly has been a secret I’ve kept for far too long.

So…I wish to tend my compulsive behaviors by getting the help I need, trusting my God that all will be well, and finding recovery from my compulsions.

I have no idea what this will look like, but one thing I’ve learned is that people who have compulsions seem to have “control” issues so I know I need to let go and trust.

Thanks as always for listening and for your support and best “wishes”.

As I started to picture the trees in the storm, the answer began to dawn on me. The trees in the storm don’t try to stand up straight and tall and erect. They allow themselves to bend and be blown with the wind. They understand the power of letting go. Those trees and those branches that try too hard to stand up strong and straight are the ones that break. Now is not the time for you to be strong, Julia, or you, too, will break.
— Julia Butterfly Hill

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Wishcast Wednesday: What do you wish to read?

You can’t get a cup of tea big enough or a book long enough to suit me.  
C. S. Lewis 

Another Wednesday, another wish!  If you want to know more about wishcasting, check out this fabulous site by Jamie Ridler!

This week’s Wishcast is…What do you wish to read?

The better question would be, what do I NOT wish to read… ;o)  I read A LOT.  I really love to read and always have.  My mother, who also is a fabulous reader taught all of her children the love of reading.  We all love different styles of books, of course, but each of us children has a large array of books in our homes.  I myself probably own over 500.  I don’t know how many books I’ve read in my life but it’s definitely in the thousands.

In my library I currently have fiction books picked up at garage sales that looked interesting, fiction books that I just can’t let go of once read–by authors Diana Gabaldon, Dan Brown, the Harry Potter Series, Searching for April Raintree, I Know This Much is True {my absolute favorite book ever!}, etc.  And, I started a collection of the “old-timers”–Mark Twain, Virginia Woolf, Charles Dickens, etc. 

I also have a wide array of non-fiction books–anything by Wayne Dyer, Cheryl Richardson, Emerson, and Thoreau, spiritualism, mandalas, journalling, project management, law of attraction, women in history, self improvement, crocheting, knitting, drawing, home improvement, etc…

I actually, just signed up for a book reading challenge by Good Reads.  I’m challenging myself to read 100 books this year–I probably do read 100 books a year anyways, but I’m tracking it now and it gives me a chance to look up and see what others have thought of books I’ve read or want to read.  Last night I went looking for my next fiction book from my “library” and went on Good Reads and decided on “American Pie, A Novel” and started it last night before bed–I read most nights before bed.  If you check out Good Reads you can “friend” me if you like, I’m listed under Ceanne.

So…as you can see, I can ramble on about reading till the end of time, but I really should get to the answer to Jamie’s question.

As I’ve recently posted, I started a 12 step program a few weeks ago.  So far, things have been going well where that’s concerned, I feel a lot of “stuff” coming up and I believe I am dealing with them as best as possible in consciousness.  But…there is a lot to read to learn about my illness and I have been procrastinating on that.

So I wish to read more about the 12 step program and learn about my illness and how I can recover from it and live a full, happy, contented life with life as it happens.

Read every day something no one else is reading.  Think every day something no one else is thinking.  It is bad for the mind to be always part of unanimity. 
– Christopher Darlington Morley
 
Thanks everyone!!