Morning Pages – May 9, 2011

Julia Cameron talks about morning pages in her book and on her site “The Artists Way”.  I also recently heard about 750 Words through Jamie Ridler who talks about doing Morning Pages in May.

So, I love this idea of morning pages, but I don’t really know where to begin…

I’m doing a lot of OA work, which is amazing–I feel myself shifting and I feel miracles happening in my life, yet outwardly not much seems to have changed. Although I’ve lost 17.4 lbs so far.

I guess that’s spirituality though. It’s a very internal process of learning and growing and “remembering”. I say remembering because I truly feel that we are “spiritual beings having a human experience” and that while we live on Earth, some “remember” that we’re a spiritual being and led to who we really are. I’m not sure why it is that we “forget” our spirituality upon birth–or possibly we know it at birth but we forget as we mature. I wish I hadn’t forgotten because sometimes the journey has been hard. But the lessons are positive growth.

I’ve heard it said that some people learn by soft touches, and others by [kicks in the a$$]. I have always been of the kick in the a$$ category. I believe I’m on a path to change that though. My hope is that as I continue on this path, that feels so right, that I give up my willfulness and have more willingness to be open to my inner God-voice.

To go back to the “remembering” of being a spiritual being. I believe I’m remembering because, as I spiritually mature and learn, the things I learn feel familiar–as if I’ve already or always known it.  I have often used the analogy of the Monarch butterfly for remembering spirituality.  The Monarch butterfly knows, without being born there, that they need to migrate to Mexico–they just know.

I’m not talking about reincarnation though. It’s like I’m coming home…

I’m not sure how I feel about reincarnation. A part of me believes in it. I once read a Melody Beattie book in where she travelled to different parts of the world as part of her spiritual journey. If I remember correctly, she talked about karma and how we are all put back on Earth over and over until we “get it” (full enlightenment). Each time we learn more and more–like stages or tiers in our personal growth–maybe that’s where the “remembering” comes from.

That makes sense to me because one of my cousins, for instance, was not spiritual at all and lived a complete victim existence. It appeared as if he could not see any life except the one he saw in front of his eyes. And the life in front of his eyes was a terrible one and it was never his fault (from his perspective). He ended up drinking himself to death at a fairly early age. From what I could tell he lived his life not “getting it” at all. My hope is that he does get a “do-over” and can come back to Earth with a more open and willing spirit, that he both receives and gives of the riches possible on this Earth.

As for me, I don’t think I’m near completely “getting it” but I do feel like I’m on a path that is leading to some enlightenment. All I can do is keep trying to be open to learning and developing myself. To keep trying to be the best person I can be. To keep trying to know that I don’t need to be like others, or have particular items in my life to be complete. To keep trying to listen to my inner God-voice and to trust. To trust…

It’s not easy for me to trust or be as trusting as I think I should be or want to be. I have thrown myself open in the past and been terribly hurt. The difference from then to now is, before I didn’t really have a sense of self so when I opened myself up I became swallowed by the other’s desires for who I should be. And I lost myself.

It’s taken me a long, long time to get to the point where I am–knowing myself and learning to love me for me.

I am still a “work in progress” bu I really feel that the work I’m doing now is opening me up to more and more wonderful things. And, all the work I have done over the last 20 years has gotten me to this point in time. A time of being ready to possibly/probably being open and brave and courageous enough to live out loud, at least just a little bit…

(I did a word count, and without realizing it, reached 798!)


2 responses to “Morning Pages – May 9, 2011

  1. This is so beautiful!
    And your blog looks fantastic too ❤

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